SOME THOUGHTS ON LOSS

Grief overwhelms many
Rage, denial, depression
Acceptance distant

     Several of my friends have suffered loss over the past week.  For some it is the death of loved ones, family and/or friends.  Others have lost pets that had grown to be part of the family.  There are those who have hopes and plans ripped to shreds by others who seemingly don't know or don't     care.  Some are waiting test results that will determine the way one lives over the next few months or years.  I know there are others who are hurting, and yet have not shared it on facebook, and maybe even with their closest friends and family.

     We all have or will face these issues.  Then to compound the unease the emotions that are raging in and through us, we begin to to feel guilty because we "have to be strong for ___."  We feel guilty for feeling like we are putting more burdens on others, or that other people have problems that are worse than ours.  We may not want to appear weak or down, whiny or indecisive.

     For my friends who have gotten this far and are experiencing this I have something to tell you.  Actually I have several things to tell you.  The first is this:  YOU ARE NORMAL as you experience these feelings.  You have suffered a major loss be it a relationship (death is a form of being broken up) or the hopes and dreams you had for the future have been ripped from your soul by news you have received.  It is alright to feel this way.  While it may be hard to do so, please do not feel guilty for feeling the way you do.  Now, if it is six months to a year later and you are experiencing the same feelings you probably need to seek professional help, but loss of any time is a wound to your psyche/soul/spirit and it takes time to heal.  As I understand medicine, one of the actions that needs to take place for people to heal is the need to get rid of the bad germs/poison in the body.  If the bad stuff is not expelled then it grows and festers until it either comes out explosively or overcomes the body and begins to impact the rest of the body as it spreads.  Keeping your grief and hurt inside is like keeping the infection inside of your body while it grows and begins to swell the body.  Work your hurt out through some way.  It may be prayers to God (it is ok to yell and question God); maybe it is a bunch of crying; it could be some sort of meditation and solitude; and still another way could be talking with close friends.

     The second item is this-do not minimize how you are feeling.  Remember this-one person's mole hill maybe some one else's mountain.  You may be looking at another person's mountain and think yours in only a molehill when in reality to you it is as steep and as high as the other person's.

     As we move to number three, understand that working through hurt and loss, grief and pain can be a very long process.  Rarely is it over quickly, and rarely can you do it yourself.  You might think you can, but every time you talk to a friend, pray to your God, post on facebook you are reaching out for help.  It may just be to say you are hurting still, or it may be you want a response, some comfort.  The pain can ebb and flow.  The sorrow may be seen approaching while other times it can just appear out of no-where (one of my friends calls it a grief tsunami.)  As you think about the history in the world think about how many cultures have had extended times of mourning.  We in America often want and think our loss and pain should be overcome and disappear within a week.  It does not usually happen that way, and if we try to rush it we end up with the same effects as number one.

     Finally, remember there is hope.  It may be hard to see, but it is there.  As long as one draws breath there is hope.  Some may say that is not true and give evidence of those who are in a vegetative state in a hospital or care center.  However, miracles (or unexplained phenomena if you do not want to ascribe certain things to God or are a non-theist) do occur.  New procedures are discovered.  Strangers enter your life and become friends.

     As a follower of Jesus Christ I believe in the hope that will be fulfilled at the end of time.  Even when it may seem hopeless I can lean on the hope that only God can provide through his faithfulness to his covenant.  May you find peace and hope in your time of hurt and sorrow.